day of my birth

Today is the anniversary of the day I was born. I don't feel older and wiser, I feel the same as I did in college, only less hopeful and more boring. Negative haze...more later.

New directions

I stopped my fitness walk/run for a month. Summer is over, the kids are in school. I had some health issues that prohibited me from going. I started again yesterday, I went for my first Bollywood Shake class of the season. It was fun and disheartening at the same time. Watching myself in the mirror showed me I had a long way to go. Its not so much the weight, I still weigh the same 160 pounds, what I hate about my body is the jiggling. I feel so out of shape and unattractive. I have real issues with my belly. Anyway, I have to keep in perspective that its important to stick with it. I quit for health reasons that are now solved..so i'm not mad at myself, but I'm just feeling that sense of overwhelm as I look up at the tall mountain I plan to climb. Currently I am scheduled for exercise 3 times per week, with the option of going to two more classes during the day or going for a morning walk. There is still something unresolved with my time situation..A's preschool might change...hopefully all moving parts will stop moving by October and then I'll be in a schedule for the school year.

1.86 miles

So since missing about 2 weeks of my walk/run, I lost quite a bit of ground. I was only able to walk, no jogging. My avg pace was 17 mins/mile...kind of pathetic. Anyway, have to work back up to 15m/m at least and then go up from there. I am going to re-start my walk/jog interchange. Start walking, then jog as much as I can, when tired switch back to walking. My current weight is 160 pounds, goal 140. More than weight, I want to tone up. Sick of my flabby self, especially my tummy.

getting back up

Fell off my exercise band wagon and I am back to square one. Rule number 1. Never let more than two days of no-exercise go by. I am going back out today, coz I am going down a self loathing spiral again. No more convenient emotional excuses for me, I'm going out. See you on the other side.

fixing the inside

Today did not go as planned, both kids woke up early, dh had an early meeting, as a result I didn't go out for my run=( I was disappointed but I plan to go for a late walk after dinner. My state of mind this morning was a little negative with the unexpected, the tasks of the day started without having time to myself. After giving the kids breakfast, I wasted some time on fb which made me more negative. Then I stumbled upon two things that made me feel good inside. When I expose myself to positive things I start to feel positive once more, the kids are happy to have a happy mama and all the good energy keeps us all flowing beautifully together all day. First I found some words by SARK that made me smile. You are what you think. I also spent some time on positively positive There is good energy all around the world, that's the side I need to stay tuned into, to transform me. Its so easy to be negative and feel sorry for myself, it takes work to snap out of it and look at the bright side. There is always a lot to be thankful for.

Still going strong

Today was day 6 of my run/walk program. I have learnt that a simple investment in an arm band to hold my phone and streaming Pandora's Dance Cardio station have been very strong motivators. I do feel lazy before I leave, I try to find excuses but the guilt is too strong to stay home and read. Kids are asleep, coffee is made..there is no good reason to not go. Once I am out the door and 'The Wanted' start singing about the sun going down, I automatically get a giant smile on my face. It feels good to walk to the beat, I have a hard time not breaking into a dance in the middle of surburbia...the beats are so good! Anyway, so the rule is go everyday and go out for 40 minutes. Alternate between walking and running. The 11 minute run hasn't been topped so far. But I'm happy to be able to walk when I get too tired. Another great addition today was an app DH found me called run keeper, it tracks my distance and speed and tells me every five minutes how much distance I have covered. I really enjoyed having that aspect as a part of today's walk/run. This time its going to stick. I have the 5K that I want to run. It's in October, so that gives me adequate time to train properly. I'm excited that its family and dog friendly, nothing makes me happier than wagging tails =)

Action

Went for a walk/run this morning, it was my second day. I felt good to be doing something for myself. I woke up at 6, made A's milk gave it to him in bed, he gulped it down and went right back to sleep. Then set up the coffee machine, unloaded the dishwasher while the kitchen filled with the aroma of coffee. Yesterday I got a headache during my run, I think its because I drank my coffee after running. This morning I had my coffee, went to the loo and then went for my run. MUCH better! On Thursday I was able to run 5 minutes at a stretch and then walk, did a mix of running and walking for a total of 40 minutes. Today I ran for 11 minutes at a stretch and I didn't feel that bad. I was energized and feeling strong. Had a great day today, also took my B12 and VitD that was prescribed..great day of strength and hope. Current weight 160, goal weight 140. Also, I am signing up for a 5K in October. Plan to train for it over 15 weeks..using the Jeff Galloway technique. Was inspired by a beautiful woman of Indian descent at Anika's swim class that is training for her first marathon. She is 41 and looks amazing, she has two kids that are about the same ages as mine. Anyway more tomorrow about cool books I've been reading.